Reflecting on A Year After Ibogaine

Anniversaries are a good time to reflect. It has been one year since I received my Ibogaine treatment from Healing Transitions and I would like to share some thoughts on how this year has been.

My "drug of choice" was any narcotic I could get my hands on. I am happy to say that I have been drug-free since my Ibogaine treatment. That says a lot since I have been a constant user for more than 20 years.

Has this past year been easy? I wish I could tell you it has. I would love to say that my life is completely changed and that Ibogaine changed my outlook from negative to positive; that I was an introvert before, and now I seek out people and love to socialize: that every morning I wake up happy, energetic and motivated. But that is not the case. I am not a completely changed person, but then, Ibogaine is not a cure-all. Nothing in life is. However, I would like to share how this year has been different compared to the hundreds of times I previously tried to quit the use of narcotics.

There is no doubt that Ibogaine freed me from the agonies of the physical withdrawal that had always followed my abrupt cessation of narcotics. With Ibogaine, I became tired, but the dreaded pain and aching didn't happen. When I returned home, I did have to resume taking antidepressant medication, but I've had to deal with depression longer than my addiction to narcotics. So, to say that I had no mental withdrawal is not as easily determined because of my prior chronic depression.

As the year progressed, I felt subtle, but real changes in the way I view myself and deal with my life. Always before, I had to have "props" to hold me up and keep me going - positive strokes from those around me, drugs, society's measures of success, etc. But during this past year, all these props have been stripped away and my view of everything I thought was important and necessary has changed. It is difficult to put this into words. I have discovered a "spark" within myself that I never noticed before and maybe this signals the true self that was so ellusive in my past.

This spark has grown into my prop that I now lean on and gain strength from. I still have my weaknesses and sufferings and I know now that there is no such thing as a quick fix. My current shortcomings can only be overcome by old-fashioned pain sweat, fear, guilt, perseverance, suffering and disappointment. But, for the first time in my life, I believe I can cope with this difficult process without reverting to those artificial and temporary props. For the first time, I feel good about myself and know that I am truly a worthy human being without someone telling me.

This is a real milestone. A chance occurrence? After all these grueling years, I don't think so, but you be the judge.

Everyone is different and I believe that the effects of Ibogaine will be different for everyone. The important thing is not to get some preconceived notion of Ibogaine's effect. Just be open to the possibilities because if it can have such a positive result on someone such as me, I have no doubt it can do wonders for others.

D.C., Kansas